I joined Facebook recently after J did. It has been somewhat interesting, but now I have a problem. I made the mistake of listing my actual high school and now I have a bunch of people from then asking to "friend" me. Many of them appear to be Facebook friend sluts who will cozy up to anyone regardless of how tenuous their connection might be. Several people whom I cannot remember ever saying a word to have made friend requests. While annoying, those don't really bother me, I can ignore them easily enough.
Two of the friend requests are more difficult. One is a guy (G) that I spent a lot of time with in high school, but lost contact immediately thereafter. I was friends with the second one (R) in high school, all through college, had him as best man in my wedding and was friends and in contact with for a few years after college. We drifted apart not too long after J2 was born. Our life paths just diverged.
I am very curious to know what became of G. He was quite the independent spirit in high school (J thinks he was a poseur) and hanging out with him those years was a formative experience for me. I have heard nothing about him since 1990.
Even though I have not communicated with R in about 10 years, he has been in occasional contact with J (we were all part of the same group of friends) so I am familiar with the general course his life has taken.
I have a strong, visceral reaction holding me back from accepting these two friend requests and I have been thinking about its source. In both cases I think it arises, at least partly, from a sense of potential embarrassment or shame; worrying that what they are doing with their lives is somehow better than what I am doing with mine. Another aspect is fear of, or distaste for, the inferred obligation to have some ongoing dialogue with them. I do not yet know what I am going to do.
Noted
7 hours ago
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4 comments:
The thing with facebook is that its not face to face. You can accept their friend requests, find out what they're up to and be done with it. They're not coming to dinner unless you decide that is the best option. It seems like you have a pretty nice life, you shouldn't be worried about keeping up with the Joneses or who is doing what. Everyone has their own calling.
I agree with Laura, you have such control over the contact and can choose to pretty much ignore the person, even after "friending" him/her, that I would only not-friend someone that I didn't know at all or someone that I actively disliked.
I bit the bullet and "friended" the two people I actually knew and ignored the rest. If it gets out of control, I can always quit Facebook entirely.
Wow...you really do overthink things. LOL
I'm a member of Facebook and Myspace and truthfully I like Myspace a little better, but I admit that I mostly have added people I already knew, and less of those who just out of nowhere wanted to be "buds" I am picky in that aspect. I have 69 friends there, and have been at Myspace for 5 years.
As for Facebook, I recently joined there, and have added a LOT of people from high school. I guess curiosity gets the better of me, and perhaps, being the geek that I was in those days (who am I kidding, I am still kind of a geek...LOL) I guess my immature ways want to see what all of the "proud crowd" look like now.
It's petty...it's even kind of mean, but the truth is...I look better AND younger than most of the people who graduated with me. Even the pretty, popular girls. LOL
It's wrong, I know...but it does have an element of sick pleasure.
I add anyone who requests me there from high school, and the early
90's people I used to hang with because the nicer side of me also doesn't want to hurt anyones feelings. I figure, I log on to facebook about once a week at the very most, and I don't have to interact with them if I don't choose to at all. The beauty of the net, I suppose.
I am not a friend whore...the people I don't know...I don't add, and the people I despised in High school...I blow off.
I don't sweat it either way.
Like I said...the beauty of the internet.
:o)
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